I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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