I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
