Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
