Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
