John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
