i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
