if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
