i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
