i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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