It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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