I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
