In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
