I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
