During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Congratulations! We have a period
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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