They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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