new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize