if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
