Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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