we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
