Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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