i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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