So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
