you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
