I can text with my tongue
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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