How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
