I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
