If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
