Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
