You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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