4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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