Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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