I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
