this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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