I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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