I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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