In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
