drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
