hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
