How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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