You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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