do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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