SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I wish I only lived at night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
