I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
