It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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