using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
either way he was missing a nipple.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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