I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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