i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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