He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
