So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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