I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
