The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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