Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
