That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
