do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
