He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
