I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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