so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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