That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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