I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
