Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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