New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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