soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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